I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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