$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
