Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
