It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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