just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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