Kiss
Puke
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
