dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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