i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
