she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
