Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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