He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
