I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
