Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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