I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Mom said you looked used
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
