If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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