hell yes lets make some ravioli
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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