Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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