I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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