my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
