Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
