Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
