I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
