really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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