Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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