i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
