just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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