She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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