i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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