I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
