shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
