Where are you?
In a non slutty way
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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