You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
