Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
