Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
