Umm I'm too high to move.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
