If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My life is pants optional.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
