She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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