just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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