drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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