Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
