maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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