the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize