cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
