Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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