You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
