Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
