Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
