This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
