Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
