We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
