two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
