the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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