I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
