Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
