And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize