Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
