Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
