I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize