so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
