umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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