carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
