between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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