Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
