I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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