i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
