I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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