so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
