Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
