I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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