There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize