I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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