I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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